3 Signs I Need a Woman

1. It's 10:15 on a Saturday night, and I am alone at home.

2. It's 10:15 on a Saturday night, and I am alone at home playing Rock Band.

3. It's 10:15 on a Saturday night, I am alone at home playing Rock Band, and I am suddenly finding myself attracted to my drummer avatar, "Belladonna Gauttustix." (Get it? "Got-two-sticks"...) *


* In my defense, she is pretty boomin'. (See below.) To all the men out there who own the game, create a female avatar with a Goth attitude, a "Belladonna" facial structure, minimal height, and maximal, um, voluptuousness. Then dress her in the following:

• magenta "Dancing Queen" hairdo
• navy-blue Vater® Drumsticks camisole
• "frillseeker" miniskirt ("Give your fans chills when you wear these frills.")
• fluorescent-green "slouchy stirrup boots"
• highway-patrol mirrored "Miranda" sunglasses ("You have the right to perform. Anything you play can and will be heard by your fans.")
• yard-dog-cuff bracelets

Now, don't lie. You just popped a stiffy too, didn't you?











Bella Gauttustix.