A (now) open letter to "The World Leader in River Cruising" -- The Follow-Up Response (+ the Response to the Follow-Up Response)

Dear Mr. Reilly,

I have looked into this matter, and here is why you received more brochures (there actually is logic behind it.)

Rather than things happening in real time, we run reports and update systems on a weekly or bi weekly basis. Your initial request to be removed from the mailing list was on August 31. These requests are input into the consumer database every Wednesday, which means it was actually recorded on September 5. The brochures were sent out to you on September 7 because that list of (potential) customers was compiled on August 27, which was before we had even received your initial request. That August 27^th list is the last list you are included on.

I hope this eases your mind a bit, but if Charmin ever goes out of business, you could always start a side company with all your extra Viking brochures.

Please let me know if Murphy has decided you haven’t had enough, and you keep getting them. If that happens, I’ll change your address in the system to our office address here in Woodland Hills. That should correct the problem.

Have a wonderful weekend!

Eve Rowlands

P.S. If you ever decided to become a ‘blogger’ and write a weekly rant about random companies you have issues with (I’d love to hear your grievances with the Men’s Wearhouse) let me know.

Let me reiterate how much I love this woman. Also, for those amongst my loyal readers who occasionally doubt the veracity of my bloggish exploits and/or exploitive blog, let me assert: I did not make up that P.S. (Even ol' Homunculus could not concoct a coda that perfect.) Let me also assert: Fuck you.

And now, my response:

Dear Ms. Rowlands,

Funny you should ask...

winterontheequator.blogspot.com

Enjoy & self-edify.

Sincerely,

Homunculus J. Reilly, "Blogger"